Wednesday, December 3, 2014

How to make a Killer Profile on OK Cupid

No Rules, Just Instruction

There are many OK Cupid tips and tricks articles out there.  However, most of the articles give you RULES - what to do and not to do. These rules are meant to fit the lowest common denominator of users. For example, many articles tell guys to avoid pictures with your shirt off, don't brag, don't take pictures of your car etc... But seriously, there are guys who break all the rules and are STILL successful with the dating website. What's up with that?

Instead of telling you WHAT to put on your profile, I'm going to teach you HOW to figure out yourself what you should write on there that expresses yourself in the most authentic way. My goal is to empower you and allow you to figure things out by yourself.

Before reading this article... I recommend that you go on OK Cupid and give it your best shot. If you can get dates on OK Cupid - good for you! You don't need to read this article. However, if you already given your best shot (I know how hard it can be), and are still having a rough time getting dates - then continue reading this article.

Step 1) Make a profile for an imaginary girl

This is for RESEARCH PURPOSES ONLY. Get some photos of a cute girl (Ask for your close female friend for permission to use some of their photos for this "research project."). Create a profile and try to make it somewhat believable.  This "imaginary girl" should be someone you would want to date.  Deactivate the profile after 1-2 days.

There are two reasons why you are doing this.

1) You can understand what it feels like to be a girl on a dating website. Smart businessmen are always trying to understand their consumer, so they can create better marketing material that appeals to their demographic. When you understand it is like to be a girl, you can create better profiles and write more compelling messages and appeal to women.

2) Understand the competition/ Stand out from the crowd.  On a dating website, girls will receive many messages from guys that are unmemorable and lame. But there will be some messages and profiles there are super interesting and compelling. Learn from your competition and evaluate how you will position yourself.

When doing this exercise, try to think about what it is like to be a girl on a dating website. How many visitors and messages do you receive a day? Would you have time to read and respond to all of them?  How do you feel when receiving so many of these inquires? What does the username, profile pic, message and written text say about the guy's personality?

Step 2) Look up the most popular guys on OK Cupid and check out their profiles

It is always an advantage to have the BEST teacher teach you how to do something. I knew that it was possible for guys to be successful with online dating, I only wished someone could SHOW ME. Then I realized that OK Cupid had a system of pinpointing the "hottest" and most desirable men on the website with their rating system! This was too easy!

I was really surprised with the results! It wasn't always the best looking or richest guys who got the most messages. In my opinion, it was the guys with the best written profiles. (Occasionally, there is a dude who happens to be a model and has GQ level pictures - but let's not compare ourselves with them. It's not fair!)

Try this exercise out and see what you can learn. Imagine you were a girl, what is it about a guy's profile that makes him stand out? Which pictures or usernames were the most memorable? What were the most interesting stories you've read? What do all these successful profiles have in common? 

Note: there are some guys with "red" ratings that still have lame profiles. The system is not perfect. But it's a still a good way to filter out the best from the rest.

Step 3) Where to start? Congruency and Authenticity 

Ok - so lets say you already did the "research project" - and you know what it's like to be a girl on a dating website. You've studied the top 1% of most successful dating profiles for men. You have all these ideas of what to do and your brain is about to explode. Now what?

I suggest you start by understanding your core values. If I were an advertising consultant and you were a multi-million dollar corporation - that is what they were start with as well.

1) Write down 20-25 traits/ characteristics of your ideal girl. Take your time.

2) IDENTIFY YOUR CORE VALUES. You will find that many of the traits you written down are synonymous with each other. Group all of these traits into 3-5 broad categories. Those 3-5 words are your core values.

3) LAW OF ATTRACTION: Ask yourself if you embody those core values. Law of Attraction states that you must BE what you want to ATTRACT. If you feel that you value beauty and health, you must also be well groomed, stylish and fit as well! If you value spontaneity, adventure and travel, you probably should be doing some crazy and fun stuff. Whatever you expect from the GIRL - you need to expect from yourself. It's only fair that way - and it's the Law of Attraction. (I acknowledge there is the other theory about "opposites attract" and stuff - but whatever...)

If you feel like you do NOT embody your core values - stop reading. You have some work to do. Go work on yourself. Live your life fully and authentically. Having a girl in your life will not make your life more fulfilling.

If you answered YES - and you are living your life to your core values, it's time for your to develop a username, photos and write a profile that embodies that. All you need to do is to make sure everything you put on your profile is CONSISTENT and CONGRUENT.


The biggest mistake guys make is when their profile lacks a clear theme. They have a vague username like DanSmith123 (says nothing about their interests), they have a mishmash of pictures that don't really convey a theme, and their profile is just a description of everything cool that they've ever done in their lives. There is no consistently and you can really tell what they are about. 

When I was doing research,  I noticed that really successful profiles had a really CLEAR message, and it was easy to understand what they were about. Some guys are really into outdoors. Some guys are really into music and their band. Some guys are really into trucks and they are kind of a redneck. Whatever you are - a girl should be able to figure all of that out in a split second.


Core values: Adventure, Travel, Living life to fullest
Username: SkydivingMan67
Photos: pictures of you on mountains, hiking, biking etc...
Profile: Write about your adventures and where you have traveled.

Core values: Food, Live to Eat, not eat to live, Relaxing
Username: FoodieLA11
Photos: Pictures of you with delicious food
Profile: Write about cooking, eating, and your interests in food.

Core values: Anime, Comics, Gaming
Username: OdinsHammer
Photos: Pictures of you at Comic-Con, Cosplay, playing computer games
Profile: Write about the games you play, and comics you read.

Find the Simple statement 
Maybe you are a really well rounded guy with many facets to your personality. Perhaps you like hiking and outdoors, but you are also a hard core gamer, you like clubbing, and you are into knitting! Confusing isn't it? If your personality is really multifaceted, I recommend having a different profile for each of your interests. It's just kind of like how clothing companies have different brands for different demographics! 

The Bottom Line...

You don't have to be the type of person other people want you to be. No matter how fancy the camera, you cannot change the way you look. You cannot change your current job or school. You don't have to have the same interests that everyone else has. But you can own up to who you TRULY are and fully embrace what it means to be yourself. Identify your innermost core values, and have everything in your profile (username, photos, profile, message you send) really embody that.

Confidence doesn't mean being cocky and a douchebag. Confidence means living your  life inline with your innermost values and principles. Really embrace who you are - the energy you exude will attract someone who vibrates at a similar frequency. 

My Dating Profile

Lastly - I want to show you something that many articles and ebook do NOT show you. I want to show you my OWN dating profile. Of course - it is not perfect, but I made many annotations to show you what I've learned from my research and how I updated. You can view my previous version HERE.

With my old dating profile, I only got about 3 visitors a week, and maybe message responses from 1 girl a week. With my NEW profile, I was getting 15-18 visitors to my profile in a week, and message responses from up to 10 different people! That is a 500%-1000% increase in a results. (Just to note, this is while I was actively browsing and messaging other girl's profiles)


Last Note:

I just want to say that no matter how good your profile is, there are some limitations. This article ONLY covers the dating profile - That's it. There are many other elements that lead to a relationship. Some of them include...
- you are horrible at texting and creating interesting conversation
- you are not good at dating
- you are not good at relationships
- you don't have time for a relationship/ are too busy
- the girls on the website don't "click" with you

These are all separate topics. There are books on that stuff, and some stuff you just have to learn from experience. Good luck.  

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